Bachelor Pad
2010
"Great, I'll see you tomorrow then. Bye," she said. The silky voice faded to silence and then a click. It was certain. She was coming over!
I couldn't have been happier. A DVD, some wine perhaps, and who knows what then. But my place...
I looked in the living room and saw the unfinished pizza box with two crushed cans of Coke. No big deal to clean.
The bedroom was a place that warranted some attention, just in case. New sheets: check. Vacuum: check. Incense: oh, yeah.
Now the bathroom-- Good gods! When was the last time I had cleaned it? Was it three weeks ago... no, no, two months... hmmm, a year and a half?
A cleaning brush sat well-intentioned next to a spray bottle that was filled with a cleaning agent. The mold on the container made it tough to tell what color the liquid inside was...
I had my work cut out for me.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
Scene:The music was too loud to...
The music was too loud to...
copyright 2010
George was trying his best to keep Mara on his shoulders as she wildly gyrated to the rhythms of U2. He imagined her smiling and laughing, swaying like a willow in the breeze as she watched Bono croon out "Where the Streets Have No Name." But one minute into the song, Mara started to get heavy. George was by no means a weakling of a guy--he worked out once a month. But gravity was pulling her down.
His knees felt like they were going to buckle. So with great relief, he put her down mid-song.
When he stood up smiling, he met the gaze of a gorgon. Her face was contorted in a way that seemed like a makeup artist from Star Trek had his way with her.
"What's wrong, honey?" George asked with trepidation.
Mara unloaded a sentence, which George could only surmise was filled with rage, into his face. But it was only white noise blending with the Edge's guitar riff.
"What?" he said again, not really wanting to hear. His imagination had already predicted that she was having a good time above the crowd and hated to be put down prematurely.
Again, the blast of unintelligible sound. He was relieved that the music was to loud to hear Mara.
copyright 2010
George was trying his best to keep Mara on his shoulders as she wildly gyrated to the rhythms of U2. He imagined her smiling and laughing, swaying like a willow in the breeze as she watched Bono croon out "Where the Streets Have No Name." But one minute into the song, Mara started to get heavy. George was by no means a weakling of a guy--he worked out once a month. But gravity was pulling her down.
His knees felt like they were going to buckle. So with great relief, he put her down mid-song.
When he stood up smiling, he met the gaze of a gorgon. Her face was contorted in a way that seemed like a makeup artist from Star Trek had his way with her.
"What's wrong, honey?" George asked with trepidation.
Mara unloaded a sentence, which George could only surmise was filled with rage, into his face. But it was only white noise blending with the Edge's guitar riff.
"What?" he said again, not really wanting to hear. His imagination had already predicted that she was having a good time above the crowd and hated to be put down prematurely.
Again, the blast of unintelligible sound. He was relieved that the music was to loud to hear Mara.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Scene: It was Supposed to be a Romantic Movie...
It was Supposed to be a Romantic Movie...
copyright 2010
My guts were hurting waiting for Kara to show up. A blind date. The first date I had had since-- well, I try to put Jill out of my memory, but it's hard.
I had met Kara on Yahoo personals. We had emailed several times, gave the basics. And after the token ten bits of correspondence, she graciously granted me a look at her. Though the image was slightly pixelated, I could tell that she was attractive. Of course, in the world of cyberspace, the truth is often a casualty, so I didn't expect too much when we would met.
So I stood in front of the theater with my hands in my pockets, then out, then back again, trying to figure out the coolest way to present myself. The clamminess of my palms was getting to be unbearable and troublesome. I mean, I'm a handshake kind of guy, but what kind of impressions would I leave if I filled her hand with several ounces of liquid nervousness?
I heard some heels clicking on the pavement off to the left. I got scared. Do I look? Is it her? Would I be disappointed?
I took a chance, looked over in that direction, and what I saw was unbelievable...
copyright 2010
My guts were hurting waiting for Kara to show up. A blind date. The first date I had had since-- well, I try to put Jill out of my memory, but it's hard.
I had met Kara on Yahoo personals. We had emailed several times, gave the basics. And after the token ten bits of correspondence, she graciously granted me a look at her. Though the image was slightly pixelated, I could tell that she was attractive. Of course, in the world of cyberspace, the truth is often a casualty, so I didn't expect too much when we would met.
So I stood in front of the theater with my hands in my pockets, then out, then back again, trying to figure out the coolest way to present myself. The clamminess of my palms was getting to be unbearable and troublesome. I mean, I'm a handshake kind of guy, but what kind of impressions would I leave if I filled her hand with several ounces of liquid nervousness?
I heard some heels clicking on the pavement off to the left. I got scared. Do I look? Is it her? Would I be disappointed?
I took a chance, looked over in that direction, and what I saw was unbelievable...
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Thoughts from a student: Inner monologue scene
Thoughts of Futaba
(Age 15)
(Age 15)
copyright 2010
I hate my mom.
She always tells me to study. I hate that. Of course, I know I have a test next week. Doesn’t she know I have friends? Doesn’t she know I like to watch TV once in awhile? Why can’t she give me any time to myself?
It’s, like, we always have this stupid talk once a week, which turns into an argument. I’m glad I threw that book at her. She deserved it after pulling my hair.
I hate my mom.
She always tells me to study. I hate that. Of course, I know I have a test next week. Doesn’t she know I have friends? Doesn’t she know I like to watch TV once in awhile? Why can’t she give me any time to myself?
It’s, like, we always have this stupid talk once a week, which turns into an argument. I’m glad I threw that book at her. She deserved it after pulling my hair.
Oh, my friend sent me an email. Nope. Just some stupid spam. I hate that. Why don’t they realize that I am not going to buy their crap?
Where is my bag? Here it is. Oh, my god! This folder is the best. The Arashi boys are so cute! I love them. I’m going to marry Hiroyuki. I wish he didn’t have that stupid girlfriend. Why do idols always have such beautiful girlfriends? She is tall with long hair and light skin. She is so lucky. I’m short and will never get such a cute boy like Hiroyuki.
Oh, another message. Ah, it’s my friend. What’s new, Manami? Uh, huh. Uh huh. Yeah, same old blah, blah, blah. Just like me. I can’t wait for the school festival this weekend so I can get out of my house. It is so horrible being around my mom and my stupid sister.
Yuka’s been nagging me about this and that lately. She’s just like Mom. I can’t believe that she asked me to record that program for her the other day and I did. I asked her if she saw it, she said, “Of course, stupid.” She can be such a bitch.
What’s that? Oh, it’s you Momo. Come on in, girl. Let Mommy pick you up. Oh, you are so full of licks today. Oh, my god! Your tongue went in my mouth. That’s ok, you’re such a cutie little dog. You bring Mommy so much happiness. Why can’t anyone else in this house do the same?
You’re the only one I love, Momo.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Inflamation of the Exclamation
I have been teaching English in Japan over the past eight and a half years, and have been doing study, meditations, and mantras on grammar over the past three of those years. It has been a satisfying study, though ambiguities often remain on grammatical points, as nothing is written in stone.
One misuse in style that I would like to write about is a phenomenon that I have witnessed in Japan. With writing, particularly advertising, Japanese companies love to use the exclamation mark.
If I consult the sutras of the Dalai Lamas of writing style, Strunk and White, here is what they have to say on the issue:
"Exclamations. Do not attempt to emphasize simple statements by using marks of exclamation.
It was a wonderful show! ------> It was a wonderful show.
The exclamation mark is to be reserved for use after true exclamations or commands."
It is a fairly straight-forward rule. Save exclamation marks for shouting or zealous, passionate remarks. So the question that comes to mind is how zealous and passionate should statements be to warrant the mark?
I guess common sense dictates: how earnest does your voice express the thought? Does your voice rise? Does your heart rate increase as you share the thought? Are your guts wrapping themselves up in knots as you say the sentence? Does your throat hurt after saying what you said? If so, I guess the exclamation mark is appropriate.
But in advertising, how excited should you be?
In my company's ads, there are exclamation marks all over the shop. Regrettably, my Japanese is not fluent enough to decipher what is being said to the customers, but I wonder what is said when an ad has no periods, but rather all exclamation marks after every sentence.
Recently for my company's cram/prep school division, I saw an ad which had a picture of a serious-looking female student on the front with three two-line sales pitches on the back of the flyer. Each point had not only one, but two exclamation marks!! Now, was the writer really that excited or shouting?
Also, I saw an English teacher (Japanese native) write a message to students at a branch expressing regret that she had to leave without saying good bye. There were five sentences: one was an interrogatory statement and had the appropriate punctuation. However, for the other four declarative sentences, one and two exclamation marks were used. An example: "Sorry I could not say goodbye!" Did she really mean to shout that?
In a newsletter written for students (partly in English, mostly in Japanese), the editor peppers the work full of exclamation marks with a heavy hand. If that is the running Japanese style (which a Japanese manager told me, and I informed him that the style was ludicrous), so be it. However, they ran an article on me with questions and answers that I had written previously.
One misuse in style that I would like to write about is a phenomenon that I have witnessed in Japan. With writing, particularly advertising, Japanese companies love to use the exclamation mark.
If I consult the sutras of the Dalai Lamas of writing style, Strunk and White, here is what they have to say on the issue:
"Exclamations. Do not attempt to emphasize simple statements by using marks of exclamation.
It was a wonderful show! ------> It was a wonderful show.
The exclamation mark is to be reserved for use after true exclamations or commands."
It is a fairly straight-forward rule. Save exclamation marks for shouting or zealous, passionate remarks. So the question that comes to mind is how zealous and passionate should statements be to warrant the mark?
I guess common sense dictates: how earnest does your voice express the thought? Does your voice rise? Does your heart rate increase as you share the thought? Are your guts wrapping themselves up in knots as you say the sentence? Does your throat hurt after saying what you said? If so, I guess the exclamation mark is appropriate.
But in advertising, how excited should you be?
In my company's ads, there are exclamation marks all over the shop. Regrettably, my Japanese is not fluent enough to decipher what is being said to the customers, but I wonder what is said when an ad has no periods, but rather all exclamation marks after every sentence.
Recently for my company's cram/prep school division, I saw an ad which had a picture of a serious-looking female student on the front with three two-line sales pitches on the back of the flyer. Each point had not only one, but two exclamation marks!! Now, was the writer really that excited or shouting?
Also, I saw an English teacher (Japanese native) write a message to students at a branch expressing regret that she had to leave without saying good bye. There were five sentences: one was an interrogatory statement and had the appropriate punctuation. However, for the other four declarative sentences, one and two exclamation marks were used. An example: "Sorry I could not say goodbye!" Did she really mean to shout that?
In a newsletter written for students (partly in English, mostly in Japanese), the editor peppers the work full of exclamation marks with a heavy hand. If that is the running Japanese style (which a Japanese manager told me, and I informed him that the style was ludicrous), so be it. However, they ran an article on me with questions and answers that I had written previously.
Fortunately, none of my writing had been tampered with (which had happened before with ad content that I had written in English for a special study course [exclamation marks and a statement were used that no native English speaker would use; that angered me, for any of my colleagues who would have read that would have said, "What the...?"]). However, the headline of the newsletter section was as follows:
"Hi! Everyone!!" And this was in an English school's newsletter. I was embarrassed to think that adult students probably saw it and thought that I had written so terribly and with such reckless abandon of English punctuation rules. But then again, they are so indoctrinated in the overuse and abuse of the exclamation mark, that they probably paid it no mind.
I can't entirely blame the Japanese, though. They have picked it up from the source, I fear. The first newsletter for us foreign teachers had just been distributed in late September. It was edited by a native speaker from Jamaica. There was buzz and excitement when it was handed out by the management. However, when I did copyediting on it and handed it back to a manager, he saw all of the blue marks and said, "Wow" (no exclamation mark here, for his wow was subdued).
One main mistake of style involved the exclamation mark and 'all caps.' It read as follows:
"Here are some ideas and tips to help make your school's Halloween Party a HIT!"
I feel that authors who depend on the tricks of exclamation marks, italics, bold or all caps lack confidence in there writing ability. The message should be clear enough and written in a way that the emphasis naturally comes through the reading.
In the case of the overuse of the exclamation marks (multiple attacks), I worry for Japan and for English natives (I have seen far too many abuses in emails both personal and in business). The head teacher of my school (a Swede) wrote an email request as follows:
"To all foreign teachers: The schedule is VERY tight, so please DON'T call in sick unless it is absolutely Necessary!! Thank you, XXXXX"
Quite strong for a request. Was he shouting at us poor teachers for even thinking about calling in sick? Oh, the guilt.
Another problem with overuse and abuse of the exclamation mark is reminiscent of the Cold War. One person has started off with one unnecessary exclamation mark. But another person might try to escalate things by adding another to show they mean business in the enthusiasm race. Then someone else feels inferior with their enthusiasm, so he has to up the ante by adding three more, and so the stockpiling of exclamation marks goes on ad absurdum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My final point about the overuse, abuse and misuse of exclamation marks is the impact gets lessened. The exclamation mark should be a powerful tool, like the word hate. But overuse diminishes the potency. It is like someone who always swears. It has no impact after awhile (I know; I used to work on ships). The ear gets used to it, but possibly annoyed as well.
"Hi! Everyone!!" And this was in an English school's newsletter. I was embarrassed to think that adult students probably saw it and thought that I had written so terribly and with such reckless abandon of English punctuation rules. But then again, they are so indoctrinated in the overuse and abuse of the exclamation mark, that they probably paid it no mind.
I can't entirely blame the Japanese, though. They have picked it up from the source, I fear. The first newsletter for us foreign teachers had just been distributed in late September. It was edited by a native speaker from Jamaica. There was buzz and excitement when it was handed out by the management. However, when I did copyediting on it and handed it back to a manager, he saw all of the blue marks and said, "Wow" (no exclamation mark here, for his wow was subdued).
One main mistake of style involved the exclamation mark and 'all caps.' It read as follows:
"Here are some ideas and tips to help make your school's Halloween Party a HIT!"
I feel that authors who depend on the tricks of exclamation marks, italics, bold or all caps lack confidence in there writing ability. The message should be clear enough and written in a way that the emphasis naturally comes through the reading.
In the case of the overuse of the exclamation marks (multiple attacks), I worry for Japan and for English natives (I have seen far too many abuses in emails both personal and in business). The head teacher of my school (a Swede) wrote an email request as follows:
"To all foreign teachers: The schedule is VERY tight, so please DON'T call in sick unless it is absolutely Necessary!! Thank you, XXXXX"
Quite strong for a request. Was he shouting at us poor teachers for even thinking about calling in sick? Oh, the guilt.
Another problem with overuse and abuse of the exclamation mark is reminiscent of the Cold War. One person has started off with one unnecessary exclamation mark. But another person might try to escalate things by adding another to show they mean business in the enthusiasm race. Then someone else feels inferior with their enthusiasm, so he has to up the ante by adding three more, and so the stockpiling of exclamation marks goes on ad absurdum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My final point about the overuse, abuse and misuse of exclamation marks is the impact gets lessened. The exclamation mark should be a powerful tool, like the word hate. But overuse diminishes the potency. It is like someone who always swears. It has no impact after awhile (I know; I used to work on ships). The ear gets used to it, but possibly annoyed as well.
But just imagine a well-dressed man talking about the beauty of life. His voice is deep with dulcet tones, and he smoothly glides over every consonant as if they were especially made for him. His cadence could charm the hardest of souls with an almost hypnotic effect. "Life can be full of experiences, good and bad, which are our teachers. Take them all in stride and never deny them with regrets or forebodings. Here is the secret to a happy, balanced life, which I have finally discovered after 40 years of living: Fuck it!"
Perhaps that was startling or even shocking (or maybe you were not even phased depending on how desensitized you are). Please forgive my crude vernacular for this example, but I hope you get the point. Powerful words and punctuation marks become diminished with overuse. Used sparingly and they retain their potency and can startle and surprise readers.
Please keep that in mind when using the exclamation mark!!!!
Carpe diem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)