Fever Dreams

Last night I got home from work at 10:30.

My last class in English was smooth, but something was not quite right. I felt like I was out of my body and that I was not in control. I felt my forehead and discovered the cause: fever.

At first I thought it was exhaustion, as I have been using myself too freely with my lifestyle of up late at night, up early in the morning (a recipe for a coronary thrombosis). I took a shower and no matter how hot the water was, it was not warming me up internally. I also felt like I was drunk and , again, not myself. It was surreal.

Fever produces interesting effects on the mind, as if the brain was wrapped up in a wet cotton towel. The sense function properly, but there is a separation and lag between reality and the perception of that reality.

I hit the hay early with a temperature of 38.2 degrees Celsius (100.76 in Fahrenheit). But then came what I call the fever dreams. It is like a video stream on an annoying loop. I had to get up to go to the bathroom a couple of times and my mind felt liberated. But once back in bed with the eyes closed, it was back to the torment of unending, inane dreams. If they were interesting, that would be something, but usually my visions are trivial. If there is a hell, that is it on a mental plane.

I have heard that recovery from sickness makes one stronger. I can't attest to that, but it does get one focused spiritually. An end to the torment in a non-fatal kind of way is always beseeched of higher powers that be, promises are made to change, plans are made should recovery prove successful and a change of character is toyed with.

Too bad, no one lives up to those changes and promises afterwards. If everyone did, sickness could be viewed as a kind of magic, a transformative experience that does more good than bad.

Too bad, indeed...




Carpe diem.